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well that alias ain’t gonna fool anyone

hi ron!!!

Roused from his Rip VanWinkle like slumber, by the unexpected announcement the Ship's Assistant Mechanic, Electrician and practitioner of sardonic Medical Quackery, as well as Bagpiper responds.... More Rogue Whiskey Timmay, I need more Rogue Whiskey....

Ah, yes. Seems as though someone has been tipping back a few, eh?! Since the incident of beaming aboard the San Cisco foursome in addition to the away team, Bob had been relegated to, well, how do I say it (It!)(Wise guy!), a post that placed him on a rather low rung, so to speak. It wasn't something that he relished (indeed, it was not a pickle by any stretch) but Bob, being always ready, always resourceful, always on time, always ready to tip a few, always flexible; figured he'd make the best of the situation. With all - and I mean ALL - that had happened, lo (and high - nudge, nudge, say no more) these many years, he had kept out of trouble and out of sight. Unfortunately, if he kept carrying on as he currently was, his "out of sight-ness" was going to change. . .

"What is that sound I'm hearing faintly in the distance?" queried the Captain thoughtlessly to himself. "It can't be Flan, can it? Not Flan! Or is it O'Really back from the grave, come to taunt yet a second time?"

"Captain, you seem distracted, retracted and compacted," opined YooHoo-Ya. With most of the crew now off the ship, the promise of being not lost, but found uppermost in their minds - along with the thoughts of a dinner that could not be beat - it was understandable if Tim was lost in thought.

Those out by the sign were nearly reverent as they gazed at it like a puppy in a pet store window wanting someone to take it home. Then a bit of a tune wafted through the air. Were they imagining it? Surely this was not a cruel dream, was it? ". . .just a half a mile from the railroad track. . ." Agnes, Arnie, Larry, Cheryl and the others smiled one of the best smiles they had ever smiled whether collectively or singularly. It was home. It had to be, didn't it?

As the intrepid Blunderites considered the lyrics to the tune they knew so well, someone (probably Arnie) suggested they all go into town. After all, there was the tune wafting on the breeze to help guide the way. Shirley 18 minutes and 34 seconds would be enough for them to get close enough to see eggsactly where they were destined to be. So they did.

Soon they came upon the railroad track that would help point the way.

"Hey guys," exclaimed Cheryl, "remember? The restaurant is just a half a mile from the tracks. This should be a piece of pie after being lost in space!" ("Danger! Danger! Will Robinson!" "You bumbling bucket of bolts!") (Please excuse the random tv show dialogue fragment build up.)

"Yes indeedy!" thought Larry out loud, "It should be easy as cake."

-Now I know, dear reader, you have detected a bit of an issue with the mixed metaphors (or fives). All will be plain at some point - or not. -

As the group headed down the road, parallel to the tracks, they began to hear a rhythmic squeaking sound. It had started out faintly, but appeared to be growing louder as they trekked along. Agnes, being the intrepid soul that she was, turned to look in the direction of this squeaky sound. She spied what appeared to be a hand car propelled by an older black gentleman. Each time he pushed the hand bar down there was a squeak with a responding squeak as it recoiled back up. Definitely in need of some grease, thought Agnes. Since it was a rather small group of Blunderites who had chosen to go into town, Agnes - quickly calculating in her head if this would even be at all possible and deciding it may - called out to the gentleman on the hand car, "Mind if we join you, old timer?"

"Join with me, darlin'. Join!" came the reply back. So Larry, Cheryl, Agnes, Arnie, LisaJ and the other two in the company ran over to the hand car which did not slow as they approached. Timing it J U S T right, all 7 of them hopped on the edges of the hand car. Larry took the other side of the bar to help the gentleman out and they continued on.

"You work for the railroad, grandpa?" asked Arnie.

"I woyk for no main," replied the gentleman. At this the 7 looked at each other as they all had noticed that this lovely gentleman was without vision. Now, they were sure he knew where he was going, he just couldn't "see" where he was going. This made being on the tracks a pretty good thing all considered. I mean, can you imagine if he'd been driving a bus or some other motorized conveyance. But, I digest.

"You gotta name, do ya?" queried Cheryl.

"I have no name," came the reply.

"Well, ya see, that may be where your problem lies. In the mart of commerce one . . ." said Larry, trailing off as the blind gentleman interrupted.

"You seek a warm and familiar place. You will find a place, though it will not be the place you seek. First you must travel a long and difficult path; one frought with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, too wonderful to tell. You shall see thuh. . .rings of Saturn and oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this path shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path for fate has vouchsafed your desired destination. Though your path may wind, yea your hearts grow weary, still you shall follow them, even unto your salvation."

Larry looked at Lisa who looked at Arnie who looked at Agnes who looked at Cheryl who looked at the other two who looked back at Larry. They were all, somehow, thinking the same thing. With what appeared to be home so close, was this really true it was NOT the place they had hoped. After all, there was the sign, the tracks, the tune. The seven rode along in silence as they contemplated what the gentleman had related.

The hand car squeaked along as the Blunderites rode in silence (except, of course, for the hand car squeaking), contemplating what the gentleman had said realizing this apparent "end of the road" may only be a beginning. It had been such a long journey up til now, fraught with peril and silliness and music. Some thought back to how they came to be aboard the ship with the crew, embarking on the adventure only to end up lost, hoping to find the "way back".

Lost in thought they failed to catch the drift of the tune which had now made a subtle change. The foliage was changing ever so subtly also. Colors were shifting in hue, leaves were changing their shape as were the trees and other plants. Yet, the hand car and all aboard seemed unaltered - for now.

It was Cheryl who was the first to notice. "Hey guys! Look at the sky!" she burbled excitedly pointing - where else - skyward. "Look at the sky!"

Whoa and boy howdy! It was no longer a beautiful azure blue, but more of a purplish, rust color. All around them the shift took on a more dramatic change of appearance. (Ya see, when you're in thought, looking down towards the ground, you miss a lot of the world as it slides by.) This could mean only one thing: it wasn't home and supper was going to be later than expected. Okay, 2 things - it wasn't home, supper was going to be later than expected and they may be in danger. Alright, alright - 3 things.

Somebody (probably Arnie) tugged on Larry's shirt tail and queried, "Do yah think we should do something, Larry?" At that precise moment the seven aboard the hand car felt a bit queazy. It seemed as though they were being engulfed in a sea of sparkly sparkles (that would be the scientific description, doncha know) with their bodies taking on a transparent nature.. No sooner did they start to notice this event than they found themselves back on the ship in the transporter room. Scotchy, looking worried, was urgently apologetic.

"I'm sorry, but I dinna have any time to loose. I hadda beam you back. Mr. Tuck made a startling discovery. Ye best get up tuh the bridge!" The 7 made their way to the burpolift wondering what was happening now.

As the burpolifts doors opened, the 7 walked out and onto the bridge which was a hive of activity. People were moving quickly about, looking quite determined about something. Arnie nudged Larry in the ribs and quietly asked, "Whaddaya thinks going on, Larry bud? Lookit Tim, sitting in the midst of the swirl of activity. Think he knows somethin'?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but since he's my friend, I'll ask." Larry sloped over to where the captain was sitting, munching on a blueberry bagel with plenty - and I mean PLENTY - of cream cheese, cleared his throat discretely and queried, "So like what's happenin' Tim-MAY?"

"For some reason you sound just like that lady in the York Peppermint Patty commercial. You know the one where she's talking about biting into the York Peppermint Patty and saying how it makes her feel like she's in the deep green jungle. Then she says, "And the only sound I hear, Hon-NAY, is the dew dropping from the deep green leaves."

"It is not and was not my intention, Cap'n. Just wanting to know why Scotchy beamed us back when we're supposed to be home, ya know."

"Tuck discovered an unexpected ripple in the time-space thingy and felt it best to get you 7 back here just to be safe. We'll have a briefing for the whole crew as soon as he's determined just what sort of anomaly we've observed."

Larry sauntered back over to Arnie and said as quietly as he could, "I think we're screwed as far as being home." Arnie stated to cry out but Larry quickly put his hand over Arnie's mouth. "Quiet, we don't want to alarm the others til we know more."

"Oh so like then we can alarm them?" whispered Arnie near hysterically.

"Get a hold of yourself. Let's just go to the galley and wait for further news." So off they went not knowing that things were perhaps better or worse - depending on your point of view - than either of them knew.

Once enough time had passed assessing the emergency severity level, Scotchy beamed himself aboard draped in a lavender and aqua tunic and wearing a cascade of pearls and blue eye shadow. No one knew why. Not even Scotchy! And no one was inclined to question the engineer, but the anomaly in the time space continuum thingy seemed apparent but not dangerous. Agnes’ senses were saturated at the sight of Scotchy drenched in pearls but was quick to note that pearls or no, Scotchy was forever beautiful in her eyes. Still, she had no interest in complicating things by saying so and so simply said, “Carry on.”

Ringo, who just happened to be nearby and overheard what Agnes said slipped into actor mode and said quietly, "Certainly was carrying on."

Well, and that is a deep hole that is usually wet on the bottom, Scotchy's appearance made an impression on not only Agnes, but several of the other crew members. Soon there was a bit of a hubbub as to just what in the universe was going on. Scotchy quickly sought out Mr. Tuck so the two of them could have speaks, feeling that his now unusual attire and overall appearance might be insightful to Tuck depending on what his research had uncovered.

"Mr. Tuck, I dona know what is happenin', but will ya look at me? Does this have anythin' ta do with the anomaly ya discovered?"

Now we know that Mr. Tack er, Tuck is not a full blooded Bulkan and Scotchy's appearance brought a wry smile to his face. "Perhaps Mr. Scotch, you should go to your quarters and make a much needed change to your attire." suggested Tuck. "Then go to the conference room on deck 12 so we can compare notes. I'll let the Captain know, along with the good doctor. See you in 7 minutes."

And off he went, with the crew still eyeballing him and his unusual attire.

Tuck looking at Scotchy looking at the Captain looking at the good doctor looking at Scotchy…

“Well, in some cultures, these sorts of things are celebrated!” Scotchy soon blurted out philosophically in a dreamy faraway tone, sandals and all.
That on the one hand, so to speak, and on the other hand, Szulu stood existentially in the periphery doing that tea sip thing blustered, “Anomaly my foot!”

Tuck did that one-runaway-eyebrow thing and the good doctor is like, “Yeah, see ya in seven minutes”