Morning Blunderites...

I hope you don't mind me blathering on for a bit, but I find myself in the position of needing a vibe or two. This will be long, so please bare with me. This is the first time I have put it to page since it happened.

My husband was in a three member Rock/Blues band called Southern Mud.
Sometime around the 1st of March we lost the singer/bass player. He passed away suddenly due to....well the report hasn't come back yet, but we think it was his diabetes. He had a lot of trouble controlling it.
He had sent us all an email on the 28th, telling us he had some problems and was sorry for missing practice. Everyone but him was out of town.
I replied to his email telling him how sorry I was and that "intending" to take your insulin wasn't gonna cut it and that he needed to hang a bucket of cold water over his bed if that's what it would take to get him up to do what he needed to do.
We both laughed about that. I replied once more and expected one back, but it never came.
We were all together almost every weekend for the last 5 years. We didn't really hang out outside their band though, so it wasn't odd to not hear from him for a week or so. However, he & the guitar player had been friends for well over 20 years.

On Sunday the 8th, my Hubby & the guitar player were out together as they share a couple of hobbies. I sat down to surf and found an email from Chaz's son. He had taken all the email addresses from an email his Dad had sent to him and told everyone that way. I called the boys and told them as I didn't want the guitar player who had known him longer, to find out via generic email.

I was still grieving for Cheryl & Mike. It's amazing how deeply you can feel for someone you don't really know, but putting myself in her place, I could feel her loss very very deeply. Same with Fitzy. Now here I am, grieving up close & personal.
I have been married 9 years this May and up to this point, my Hubby & I had only grieved for pets together. I have lost friends and loved ones and he was always there for me, but this was a first for me....watching the man I love in so much pain. He wasn't brought up in a Church like the other member & I were, so it wasn't and still isn't easy to comfort him. (Deep down I believe that he believes)

I'm going to take a moment here to post a link to a video a friend of his posted. He found one of the band that I had uploaded and sent me the link to this one. I thought at first it was just a music video, but I was wrong. He use to be in a band called "Lifeus" With Augie Meyers' Son. (Sir Douglas Quintet) It kind of reminded me of John Denver. Not in looks, but just the feel of it. This wasn't the Chaz we knew, but it was an awesome glimpse into his past. The art work at the end, was all his.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ohzmy8zFdE
There is some profound stuff in there.


The guitar player was asked to lead the service. I personally took Chaz's 12 string to the service. Had several men try to take it from me (it was kind of heavy with case and all and I'm not that big) but I was like a mother bear with it. I would thank them, but shoo them away. I told the guitar player that this was the last time I was going to get to roadie for him and no one was going to take that from me. ( the 12 string was his favorite ) His bass & all his eq is still back in the band room. The next few weekends are going to be very hard on all of us.

(Believe it or not, I even had an Arlo connection later that evening. I was surprised although I shouldn't have been. He always pops up where & when I least expect him to.)

The service was truly lovely and Chaz would have been very proud. We all shared food & drink afterwards. Later, someone offered their home for a jam session. He actually had all the eq anyone would need as he had a recording studio set up. I know that was hard on the guys. Playing his music without him. I shed tears first because I was sad to hear it without him, then tears of pride that everyone was trying so hard.

It really was some party (please understand that hubby & I only knew a few folks) I saw things at this party that I haven't seen since my 20's...lots of things. I heard stories of our friend that I could have gone a lifetime without hearing ..lol Good things as well. He was an artist..I never knew that. What I wouldn't give to have one of his works.

I was browsing around the room and saw a piece of paper on top of a bongo drum. It was the cord list for "Mean Things". My Arlo radar went off. I knew there was a connection. I thought well now that's strange! Of all the songs in all the world...this one...here! I didn't ask the homeowner about it because, well.....everyone was having a "really" good time. I'm a bit of a wallflower when it comes to wasted strangers...heh! (I do drink on the very rare occasion, but not this night..away from home..didn't know if I would have to drive home)

So as the night goes on, I learn that the homeowner is close friends with Cyril Neville. Arlo radar is really pinging now! In fact Cyril called from a show he was doing and sent us all Hello's and condolences. Homeowner was caring for his dog, which we all played with in the backyard. I finally put it all together and remembered Cyril & Arlo singing "Mean Things". I cannot thank Jackie enough for posting that.
I remember sending it to friends when I first heard it because I was so struck by it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_s1pLtSYtQ

So...Arlo really is everywhere. Me personally, I don't even have to look. Finding that connection at that time, when my heart was so heavy was a gift. A gift that allowed me to enjoy the rest of the evening that was full of wonderful music to honor our good Friend Chaz!

If you got this far, I thank you & should bake you some cookies! Apologies for the length, but I needed to get it out and where better than the Blunder Board ?
Wishing everyone a wonderful day after St. Paddy's Day

Stephanie, Blundervibes are flowing to you and your husband right down I35. It is hard; we've been there and our shoulders are strong; lean on us as much as you can, given the distance.

I respect your belief and am glad that it is there to provide you some comfort, but I may be closer to your husband's way of thinking. To him I would say that Chaz got to participate in the only part of the universe that is aware of itself and so he contributed to the Great Understanding. He will still be alive as long as there is memory of him in the rest of us. So if you speak of and remember him often, and pass on the good things he did, the music he made, and the lessons he learned, he will always be near you and his life will continue to touch others.

Peace

Dear Stephanie, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. As Ceashel said, we are here for you. That was an awesome story you shared.....isn't it amazing the incredible insights we get when we are truly "awake", as 'in times like these' we are forced to snuggle up with the likes of existance and mortality? Many heartfelt vibes and prayers from my family to yours, Peace and Love, Kevin

Thank you both so much!

I always offer my thoughts and he has never really dissed them. I know it's odd that it's something we haven't really spoke of. I do respect his right to believe whatever it is he believes. Truly...we don't know. Even those that have Faith can have pause to question it, even though we are told not to. I question in order to learn. My hopes are high!
That said, I would never try to change anyone's mind or way of thinking...they may be right!

I did find one thing that worked to make him smile. During a sad moment at home, I found him in tears and knew I couldn't really say much to help. I walked up to him...told him it would all be okay, I calmly pulled his shirt up and.......gave him a razeberry. Like you do to a baby's belly. It did lighten the moment, but only for a moment. If nothing else, humor always works. I believe it's more healing than we know!

Yes...either way, it is up to us to keep his memory alive. The band has already decided they want to continue ... as they put it..."playin' in the mud". I have hours & hours of video that I need to burn onto DVD for his kids.

Your words are very true, Shel! I thank you deeply for them and the vibes as well! (So glad to hear you had a great trip!)
Thank you Kevin. It's very healing to be able to unload it from my heart. You are more than right about the insight!

What kind of cookies would you like? I owe you some!

I want Stephanie happy-face cookies.......!!!:)

Hey Stephanie:

I lost my playing partner a little over a year ago to lung cancer and another a year earlier. It is really hard to watch a light go out like that. Also, as a diabetic, don't think it is anything anyone else wasn't doing because that is one disease the person can only control themselves. It is hard.

If I may suggest, gather all the good work he did that you can find and put it in something for his family. That is healing.

I don't know if I was ever told not to question my faith. I was told not to wait for answers. It seems life is the answer and in that life, faith is service to eternal love. Because our bodies are not eternal, we have doubt we are. Because we love, we have hope we are. Faith abides. Serve the eternal faithfully.

Hi Stephanie,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. My vibes are on the way with everyone else's. I wish I could offer the kind of words you offered me...I'm not sure if I had told you how much they meant! But please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts.

Take care and stay in touch and vent as often and as much as you'd like!

Feel a big HUG and lots of VIBES coming across the Pacific to both of you. LOve from Deb Louise.

So sorry to hear about your friend. Prayers & vibes just said & sent Diabetes is one of those diseases that is so hard to control & can cause all sorts of other stuff to happen to ya. So many have passed on from it & it's sad...

so sorry for you loss

Thank you Len..

You really hit the nail on the head. This man did have a light. A light like no other.
He was always happy & smiling. Sure, he did have his down moments when his diease got him down. Had a lot of nerve pain from polio he had as a child.
He did have Faith. I have Faith. The one thing I am sure of is that he is whole now with no pain or worry. He got to go in his sleep. How lucky is that? Well...not so lucky for us, but for him.

Yes that is in the works. Putting together all the footage I have for his kids. I was watching some the other day and had planned to turn it off before Hubby got home, but he snuck up on me and came through the door. I truly thought he may not be ready to see it, but we both watched it with a smile. Chaz looked so good that night. He was really on!

Thank you for your words Len. They are more than just words!

Thanks Fitzy.

Words are not needed. The vibes are and I'm Thankful for them.
I was very taken aback at how your loss affected me. It wasn't all that long after I came across Brody's video. The next news really tore at me. There was just something about seeing Dennis' picture. I got a lot of light from that. I didn't know him but I swear I can still see his face..and it's smiling!

I'm drawing on the strength I feel from you. The loss of a friend is different from the loss of a lifemate, but the process of grieving is the same.

The vibes help more than I think we truly know!

Thank you!

Thanks Louise!

I feel them.

Someday, I'm gonna get up to the Church and have my picture taken with your picture! Please tell the BlunderChooks that they are still thought of fondly!

Thank you for your vibes!!

Thank You Cheryl!

I'm still feeling your loss as well. That awful dis-ease is in my family also. I think attempting to feel what you were feeling made me stronger and able to help shoulder some of the pain these guy were about to go through. I loved the guy but they were closer to him in different ways.

Not sure if this is the time or the place but if you have some photos of Mike posted anywhere, I would very much like to see them. I think you have a small one on your YouTube Channel.

Thank you for the Prayers & vibes. I'm still sending them to you as well!

Wow Rob

Thank you! That was a wonderful post! Your words have really comforted me.
I was lead here for a reason. A chance encounter with a song I had never heard. Arlo's words to Cheryl were in my head the moment of impact. When it's your time...it just is. The remaining members are dealing with a guilt so deep that it isn't easy to touch. They were not always fair to him, but it went both ways. I expressed to them that the best & greatest we can do for him is to learn from it. Humility & humanity.

Our Dear ones would not want us feeling guilt in any form. The guitar player was in a rough position. Grieving himself, and having to lead the service. He confided in us that he was afraid that Chaz would "toss his cookies or do something to get thrown out of Heaven" to see him leading the service. I told him I didn't think that was the case at all.

The first time I ever saw my Husband grieve was over a cat we had to put down one Christmas eve. I was expecting him to be strong for me as he had seen me in a puddle many, many times before and had always held me up. (woman with hormones...what can I say?) This was like seeing your Father cry for the first time. It's hard to watch your tower crumble. You learn and you find a part of yourself you didn't know was there before.

I didn't know Dennis at all, but I can tell you I sure felt his loss right along with everyone. It's not fair that he & Mike & Chaz & even my Dad were all needed at the time they were.. I hold true the saying that when one door closes another opens. I'm not talking about the people though. They were only meant to be in our lives for a short time. What we learned from and shared with them are meant to be in our lives and a part of what shapes us... forever.

I feel certain that when Chaz left....any thoughts of us were locked away for a time while he went hunting for an audiance with a couple of Beatles and one Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Thank you for your words, Rob....truly! I'm so Thankful for what I have found here! Mere words are not enough! Ramble away...we all know I do so too!