Terrie, I'm sending you my thoughts and love, for strength through your father's difficulties. I wish him peace and an easy passing.

Terrie & Fanily please know that my thoughts are with you all at this difficult time.
Prays being said,
Bev and Alan.

Your family is in my thoughts & prayers as well, Terrie.

Today was a day of successes. He finally agreed to allow the reinsertion of the IV, allow hydration and even morphine! He also agreed to be DNR. Hospice will begin at home on Wednesday, the morphine will be PRN and Michael's going back to the hospital with me tomorrow to say goodbye.

Thanks, everyone... your thoughts and prayers were heard and answered and we're on our way to the kind of end-of-life care he should have been getting for the past few months.

The goal now is comfort. Thanks!

That is good, and thank you for letting us know. Continued B-vibes to you all for a peaceful goodbye.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Terrie, our love and thoughts are with you and yours.

Know that we are still thinking of your father, you and your family. I hope that during this difficult time you are all as comfortable as possible.
Bev and Alan.

This is one of those times that we all have to face in our lives, sooner or later. May we all be able to do so with the grace, strength, and dignity that you are showing us, Terrie. You and yours are in my thoughts.

my father passed away almost exactly a year ago, I arrived back home, went directly to Hospice. I hadn't seen him in about two months and was amazed at the difference as he had essentially given up on life. Always remember it is the celebration of life, past, present or future, that is important!

Terrie - you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Long sigh, deep breath in, slow cleansing breath out.

Did I tell you about yesterday? How he now knows he has the morphine drip option? His pulmonologist is a wonderful doc, I would take Michael to him if it weren't for insurance problems.

Today was a really horrible day, from the moment I read my email (while still in bed) until I left my father at 8 PM. So, all told, I guess that would have been 12 straight hours of hell, with a few "good" moments thrown in for balance. And that doesn't count the almost 2 hour drive each way, every day.

He was scheduled to be transported home today and into the very capable hands of a hospice nurse. But when I arrived at the hospital, he was in the throes of yet another major panic attack and was yelling at Marian, then at me, then told me to leave. Then he got even more upset when I tried to.

He kept telling us that he wasn't "going to make it" to the ambulance to go home. He started yelling that he wanted to die, here, now. I was rubbing his back (felt like an old-fashioned washboard) and crying, he was crying and I told him that if that's the truth, if that's really what he wants, he needs to say that out loud to his doctor (who was right outside the room with his nurse). He said yes, get the doctor.

By the time she came in to confirm what I'd told her, he'd changed his mind again. And so this is what today has been.... ups and downs, mostly downs.

He's home now (not without major hassles, panics and had the paramedics hanging out in the living room for almost an hour while he tried to "catch [his] breath" before being moved upstairs to his own bed (he refused to have a hospital bed in the living room).

I had his morphine increased last night (still very low) and added a small amount of Xanax. A call is in again to increase the morphine a little bit more (administered by mouth).

We are now feeding him pureed baby food (he actually ate baby turkey and some kind of runny orange "veggie" but didn't want the lemon stuff from inside a Tastykake pie. He's had nothing to drink and that's worrisome, but at least he's still interested in food (Ellen's bringing down chocolate eclairs tomorrow!).

He wanted me to stay overnight, but all my heart meds are here at home and I really was too exhausted to sleep on the floor tonight. And since he's due to get 2 more doses of morphine before Marian goes to sleep, I figure he should get about 6 hours and therefore so will Marian. Ellen will be down in the AM.

And all the while, our brother called to see if he could "stop by" on his way home from his baseball game which is in my dad's neighborhood! Marian told him not to bother! Amazing! All 3 of us "kids" live between 1-1/2 and 2 hours away, all in different directions. Ellen and I can do it every day and he can only "stop by" for a few minutes?

So that's the update for today. Dad did apologize to both Marian and me tonight for being so snappy and yelling at us (she actually left him with the nurse at one point and he didn't see her again until she brought up his dinner, handed it to me and left again! She's worn out, she's had it with him (he wanted her to take out the catheter) and she's just beside herself with grief.

We're hoping that hospice can provide some volunteers to help out. Ellen and I both need to put some hours in next week at our jobs, so we're going to see if we can alternate days at work with days at Dad's. I doubt little bro will do much more than stop by on his way to or from somewhere else.

Thanks for "listening." I really appreciate all of you SO very much.

Terrie, your narrative of today brought back memories of many days with my folks, a few years ago. Here's the best I can offer from that experience: Take care of yourself, first and foremost. Good on you for going home for your meds and rest. It's so hard and you may think it's more than you can bear. Unlike what many say, yeah, I think maybe we can be given more than we can bear. When that happens, step back for a bit and shame your brother into helping. But you will come out on the other side and life will be better; Try to hang on to the good memories of your father in the meantime. Peace to you all.

Prayers just said & more vibes sent... <img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/peace.gif" width=16 height=16>

Yeah what Shel said Terrie......you can be given too much to bear so take good care of yourself first. Thinking of you.