----Prologue----

It was in an alternate universe that our adventure will begin , already has begun, or perhaps even has ended already.
Inspired by the exploits of the crew of the Starship Voyager, and in an effort to find this lost vessel and her noble crew,and to contact various forms of alien life, a well meaning but ill-equiped group of amatuer space cadets known to themselves as "Blunderites", have contructed their own Starship, which they have christened "Blunderer".Our saga begins with the starship Blunderer on routine patrol in the area of space known as "The Folk Quadrent", only to find themselves in an instant transported to a remote area of space known as "The Disco Quadrent", many thousands of lightyears from home and the Folk Quadrent.
They now find themselves in a place where the laws of nature and physics and even music that they know, do not apply. They only know that they were sent there by a mysterious omnipotent being known only as "R".
The crew, using their on board abacus, calculates that the return trip to earth will take them 75 years.
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Chapter One: Where the hell are we?!.......

Stop playin' with the abacus, youse folkies! No wonder we ended up in Disco Hell!! Now I gotta reactivate the stardial and do some navigation calculation! (re sundial) It should take less than 75 years if our output is put to good use!

(agnes?ron?laura?somebody?...I don't wanna write this all by myself!)

..."it's the folk quadrant i tell you!"
"according to our navigational guidance system we shot past the folk quadrant hours ago...there's no telling where we are!"
"who was supposed to be watching that thing?!"

(long awkward silence)

"we have to turn back!"
"we can't! the gravitational force from that mirrored ball planet seems to be pulling us in!"

(a crackling voice is heard over the loud speaker)..."well you can tell by the you are now entering the way i use my walk i'm a woman's disco quadrant, please identify yourselves man no time for talk..."

The crew exchanged looks of fear and terror among themselves, especially the ones wearing the red shirts.
"Captain!" exclaimed the officer at the helm "The aliens on that mirrorball planet are bombarding us with some sort of sonic weapon!" "Raise sheilds!" exclaimed the Captain "and put the sonic weapon on audio".
Then, over the audio came the horrific sound which blared "ohh, ohh, ohh stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ohh, ohh, ohh stayin' alive, stayin' alive".
"My God!" resigned the brave Captain, we have no weapon to match that! Engage the warped engines, and get us out of here!"..................................

Ah yes, but you know it was TOO late. The vessel (or was that wessel) (or perhaps George Jessel) was caught in a tractor beam. It was no use. Any attempts to runaway would overload the engines (such as they were) and cause immanent and eminent and imminent disodium crystal break doon. And there ain't NUTHIN' worse than that other than being sucked into/onto/unto a Deesco planet. (Get down tonight, get down tonight)

"But what are we gonna do Lieutenant?!" queried Thumbs, the usually jolly, goofy, dopey, lovable helmsman.

"Shut down all engines! Disengage the helm! Shut off the com system! Bring me a bagel with stawberry cream cheese!" exploded the Captian.

"Sustenance!" ssaid Sylvester as he sloped onto the bridge carrying a large platter full of those round delights.

"And not a moment too soon!" cried the crew near to tears and fears. A great bagel feast ensued and the bagel dust permeated the rareified air of the bridge. I mean, just what were they to do???

"Captain, don't you think it would be wise to plan some sort of contingency plan to plan what we should do when we arrive?" hissed Mr. Tuck always the pragmatic one.

"Whuhmmmpfff?" muffled the Captain with a moughtful of, well you know, in his mouth. Out of nowhere there came a sound. The whole crew-and I mean the WHOLE crew-fell silent.....

...for one brief moment, all chewing had ceased, as with a groan space and atmosphere raced past the ship which was being pulled nearer to the planet...
"spitooooooo!" (the captain had an idea) "...we'll have to resort to drastic measures as a last resort!...set the volume at maximum output (and amplify that by 10) then quickly reroute the sound system through a deflector dish and aim it toward the planet..."
but tuck, 2 steps ahead of the captain, was already rifling through the back of the disc rack marked "for emergency use only"...
(shuffle, shuffle, shuffle..."uh...no, not that"....shuffle, shuffle..."frank z...hmmm, maybe"...flip, flip, flip, "stones?...i'll put that aside"...shuffle, shuffle..."ah-ha!..this will do it!...an interesting combination of a melody, story and the anticipation of a song ever pending...builds perfectly!......setting the engines thrusters at full capacity captain! everyone! hold on! we are so out of here!"
...then (click) "sound system on..."
(music) "...i wanna tell you about the town of stockbridge, massachusetts, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the scene of the crime there was five police officers and three police cars..."
the ship began to lurch back and forth as the crew leaned left and the crew leaned right, back and forth, back and forth, until it pulled itself free of the tractor beam's grasp...with one repercussion...they were now traveling faster than any ship has ever traveled...sailing around the galaxy bringing them right back on a collision course with the mirrored ball planet only this time from the other side...

The captain had the telescopic cameras search for signs of life on the planet as it pulled the ship closer and closer.The cameras picked up a long haired fellow on a motorcycle; Driving down a road. They watched and Suddenly the motorcyle and its rider went over a cliff. He was doing 150 mph sideways and 500 down at the same time.

....and the overwhelming thought was "What the heck is HE doing on a DISCO planet then anyway after all??!!?!" But there was no denying that I've been to the NIle and it wasn't all that bad and it was HIM and HE was there.

"Captain, I am observing a rather strange and mildly striking anomaly on the bi-corder. Would you like it on screen?" queried Mr. Tuck superfluously as was his wont.

"Gracious Tuck, it's already on screen!!" exclaimed the Captain in an exclamatory tone.

"No Captain, this is another strange and quite ordinary different thing", burbled the unperturbed Mr. Tuck placidly.

"SSSakes SSSon! No ssspoiled brat of mine'ssss gonna eat porridge!" regurgitated Sylvester.

"Security get that looney tune off this bridge!" hollered the Captain about to spurt, excitable boy that he was. "Yes, Tuck, put what you have on screen!"

There it was, barely visible, but undeniable just the same. It was a close up of the person on the motorcycle and, well, you couldn't miss it. It was a plain as the nose on Lucy's face. ("I am too!" harps Lucy) There was no way around it and only one conclusion was possible. VISIBLE PANTY LINE!!!!!!!!! (cue ominous and abrupt orchestral stab). As the crew stared at the closeup, Mr. Tuck was uncharacteristically rolling on the deck of the bridge laughing like a baby getting his toes tickled for the first time.

"TUCK!!!!!!! What in the h..............," barked the Captain (Here boy, here boy. Good dog. Sit up. Good dog.) whose voice trailed off as a new image replaced the previous image that replaced the previous image that wasn't there the last time he looked at the previous image that replaced the aforementioned previous image that used to be there a while ago........

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Ron on Aug 16, 2001 ---</FONT></center>

Being momentarily distracted, Checkup-the navigator-butted in with a suggestion.

"Perhaps Ceptin, we could use a reworse Mobeus audio loop to repel and/or otherwise free ourselves from the tractor beams pull," suggested Checkup helpfully.

"What did you have in mind Mr. Checkup?" queried Tuck. As Checkup whispered into Tuck's ear a look of hopeful astonishment came over Tuck's face. "Yes, that may have the intended affect indeed." Quickly Tuck directed the computer to set up the loop that Checkup suggested.

"With your permission Captian..." said Tuck to which the Captain nodded in the middle of another bagel. With a deft push of a few more buttons the loop was broadcast on all known freqencies. "Put it on audio, Tuck," burped the Captain. What would happened next was anybodys guess (maybe Arnie's but that's just a guess), but from the speakers came...

That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.
That's life!
What's life?
It's a magazine.
What's it cost?
Fifty cents.
I only got a quarter.......(you get the picture)......

Suddenly there was an alarm sounding. Capt. you've got a very,very,top,top,really secret message coming across your secret message thinamibob.I'll take it in my cabin. Do not disturb me;I'm already disturbed.I wonder what all of this secret stuff is all about.Who can be calling at this hour?

...what in the world indeed, is with all the secret (really really top secret) messages? what a coincidence (in a deja vu kind of way) it's the second secret message in two weeks! (the author of this post is still looking for the first secret message, it's just a matter of finding it...and upon finding the message may proceed to try to locate a secret hidden password hidden within the message, which is still hidden ...but that's another top secret story...)
finally a single image came into view over the captain's telly-com. a crisp image of what looked like 2 very large train station attendants stuffed into one uniform (????) going on and on in their deliberation at such a clip that the captain wondered how he would ever get a word in edgewise...

Meanwhile, as the Captain thought of ways of trying to shoehorn a few words in between the talking entity, he had another problem right on the bridge to contend with. Mr. Checkup was starting to crack from the pressure.This was no surprise to the Captain, as Mr. Checkup was the youngest of the bridge officers, and was in fact so young that this was his first contact with disco music, and his resistance had not had time to develop. "Mr. Tuck" said the captain " Take Mr. Checkup to the sick bay". "But Captain" replied Mr. Tuck "I had a checkup in sick bay last week".
"What do you mean?" asked the captain " We only have one Checkup, which Checkup did you have in sickbay last week?"
"I'm not sure what they call it" replied Mr. Tuck "But it involved a rubber glove and it was not pleasant."
"MR. TUCK!" exclaimed the captain" What the hell are you talking about?! Take Checkup to the sick bay NOW!"
"But Captain" pleaded Mr. Tuck " How can I bring a checkup to the sick bay when I can't get one until I'm there already?"
The captain grew very agitated by now, and pushing the intercom button on his special editon captains lazy-boy recliner he called the sick bay himself and said " Doc, this is the captain, come up here to the bridge right away for Checkup".
"Come to the sick bay if you want a checkup captian, I can't give you a checkup on the bridge"replied the doctor.
"I Mean MR. CHECKUP you stupid quack!" yelled the captain over the intercom" "I think he is coming down with a bad case of disco space fever, he already has broken out in a white polyester lesuire suit and enough gold chains for a Mr. T. starter kit!".
"oh...." said the doctor "I'll be right up.................."

And you know, dear reader, that during all this frivolity certain members of the crew had forgotten all about the tractor beam that was draging them slowly towards the Disco planet and the counter action that they had taken, not to mention whether or not it was proving effective.

"...I only got a quarter...." droned the reverse Mobeus audio loop on and on.

"Would somebody, PLEASE, get that damned thing off the com!?!" whispered the Captain in rather loud and ominous tones.

"Shall I quit sending the loop, Captain?" queried Tuck.

"Have WE broken FREE of the tractor beam YET!!?!!" burped the Captain hotly.

"It seems to be weakening, sir," responded Lulu before Tuck could respond himself. "And as you recall we broke free only to be redirected at the planet from a different trajectory and fell right back into the tractor beam from the opposite direction."

"Then I SUPPOSE we should KEEP SENDING the LOOP shouldn't WE!!???!??!!!" murmured the Captain to himself. Just then the familiar swish of the burpolift doors rang in the ears and nose and throats of all on board and on the bridge. The doctor had arrived for Checkup....I mean to get Checkup for a checkup....or was it to check Tuck up.......or perhaps it was to have some more bagels and strawberry cream cheese.....ssssakes.......

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Ron on Aug 21, 2001 ---</FONT></center>

...as quickly and as unobtrusively as possible the doc (that would be "skinny" for short) conferred with coy (the onboard mind reading head shrinker or "counselor" for those of you reading along) to determine the nature of checkup's distress as he (that would be checkup) stood looking like a well accessorized shop mannequin staring blankly into nothingness.
with that they exchanged glances and a mutual, "mmm-hmmmm..." as coy gently (truly, she was very wonderful in this way) escorted checkup to a less intruding environment.
meanwhile, the captain, who had been getting crankier by the minute and who was in much need of some orange juice by the way, suddenly fell impenetrably silent as a look of fierce determination and proportionatley acute concentration came over his face, prompting tuck to wave his hand in front of his fixed gaze. the captain snapped to his feet! (as he was accustomed to do) and yelled, "zulu! grab that hammer and break that glass that says, 'for emergency-emergency use only'!"
"that's lulu, capt'n."
"sorry about that lulu."
"it's okay capt,n."
"...anyway, quick! set the time/date actuator to one thousand nine hundred sixtysomething earth, and then hit enter!"