Actual Newspaper Headlines

1. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
2. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
3. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
4. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
5. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
6. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
7. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
8. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
9. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
10. War Dims Hope For Peace
11. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
12. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
13. Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
14. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
15. Deer Kill 17,000
16. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
17. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
18. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
19. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
20. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

ROFLMAO (16's my favorite) <img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/laugh.gif" width=15 height=15>

LOL those are pretty funny... <img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/smile.gif" width=15 height=15>

I love it!

They were so good, I don't even mind that you hijacked my gnuspaper made out of electrons. <img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/smile.gif" width=15 height=15>

In other gnus today, President Bush had a lucid thought, but it quickly vanished after he took a strong laxative. Thankfully, no film at eleven.

Is this silly rag still in operation, I thought surly it's editor and chief would be in prison by now...

of course then again, who is to say he is'nt?

Speaking of prison, where have YOU been, Nathen?

we've asked you not to call him shirly... he's very sensitive ya' know!

John Ashcroft's doctors report that he has developed a nasty infection, which they attribute to his disgusting habit of wiping his ass with the Constitution.

That would be hysterical if it wasn't so close to the truth. Glad to see another year hasn't mellowed you any. Happy Birthday again, Love Ya!

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by JohnC on Mar 10, 2004 ---</FONT></center>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ceashel:

John Ashcroft's doctors report that he has developed a nasty infection, which they attribute to his disgusting habit of wiping his ass with the Constitution.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The doctors did say he may have avoided the infection if he hadn't used the Constitution to blow his nose AFTER he wiped his ass with it.

Ashcroft is any angry man after all. I don't think he ever got over losing an election to a dead guy. We are paying for that now.
I hope when the doctors took out his gallbladder, that they took out some of his gall too!

i hear it was an easy operation... there was no heart to get in the way... but tons of bile required him to stay for 4 days afterwards...

hmmmm i only stayed 18 hours...

What is a Billion?
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.